Things people do when they are bored. What do they do? They do self-reflection.

A few days ago, a friend had a cukur rambut for her dear son. So me and another friend went to the cukur rambut while the rest had other commitments ie. overtime and etc. I was hesistant to go since the rest aren't going but i reckon since im free and she's quite close what the hell. Just go ar i thought to myself thinking that if i were to have the same function i would expect my friends to come rite. Seeing that friend whom i have known since sec 1 really opened my eyes to a different perspective. I didn't really think that all of us have grown up. I still feel as though we are still in sec 1, still playing around and having those what they called cinta monyet. Those were the days, the best days of my life not that my life sucks now but it was so much better back then. Life back then was simpler, study, get good grades and the occassional go-to-town-on-saturdays like any teenagers would do. There wasn't a time when one have to really think about the future, financial state and whatnots.

Looking at my friend, i realised that being a parent is so very the overwhelming and that there is so much responsibility in becoming a parent. I often asked myself this question, "Will i be a good parent? Am i capable of becoming one? And what if my child disappoint me?" Seeing her playing with her son got me thinking how am i going to raise this small little baby, to nurture, to educate and to teach the moral values and all that. To me honestly, i am not perfect and i don't think i have enough knowledge in just about everything be it from religious aspect mainly religious aspect as having a child i considered as an anugerah and amanah from Tuhan and if the child turns out bad means to say that i failed to carry out the amanah. How can i be a good parent when i myself have so much to learn and change? I hate it when some parents chose to dye their child's hair like what the hell were they thinking man, spoiling their soft hair. This is the kind of parent i swear i dun ever want to be.

Btw all of these thoughts are conceived in the constraints space within the four walls of the counter booth i was at for a period of 2hrs. Hahaha there was no traffic you see so when it is ever so peaceful, i use that time to do some self-reflection, thinking and all other things one could possibly think of. I should have brought a book, a dictionary(like some of the china kids who memorise the dictionary) or perhaps a Yasin...hahaha to kill time. I was singing my hearts out in the counter. So today, i went to borrow a book so that i could start reading after so many years of not reading that i think my english have gone from bad to worst. Should start now before my english gets even worst that i can't even speak a proper sentence. Shit another day of night shift, which have its pros and cons. The pros more pay and the cons sleepy and the sianness of having to sit in the counter for hours alone. I think if i am still alone, i will be reading a book or maybe some more self-reflection in which i can't do it anymore on my way home walking at night due to some reasons. I should go now if not i will be late again as i normally do.
Ciao.

listening to rapuh by anang & kris dayanti